Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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