I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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