nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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