i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
