So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
