i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You're like the curious george of whores
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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