I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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