While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
