he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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