in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
