He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
