I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
