He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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