I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
