She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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