I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
