Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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