too bad you live with your parents still
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
