hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
