You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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