Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
