:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I've blown a few things in my day
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
