Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
