just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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