apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
