matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
