I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
