Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
