i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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