that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
