I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
