I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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