wat bout pragnant strippers??
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
