Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
