During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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