i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
