oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
