Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
God, I missed his penis.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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