Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
