I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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