well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
