ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
