Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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