This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
