Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
