just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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