it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
