i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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