i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
