I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
