Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
