I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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