You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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