my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
