yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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