Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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