We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
