I want to stick my p in your. b.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
