I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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