Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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