At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize