When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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