If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
