he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
